*William Shakespeare *William Shakespeare
i
The Geography Lesson or "The Black Spot", Albert Bettannier, 1887/Wikimedia Commons (public domain)
Variety

*William Shakespeare

New Verse by Once-Famous Poets
Grzegorz Uzdański
Reading
time 2 minutes

“Remote Lesson”

TEACHER

Children, I sent materials to you
On Henry IV. Would someone please recount
The valiant deeds of this time-honoured king?
No one hath read it? What say ye?

ROSALINE

                                                              Pray ma’am,

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Thou art muted.

TEACHER

(trying to unmute herself)

                                Ah fie, the devilry!
Do ye hear me? Raise your hands presently.

(no one raises their hands)

And now?

VALENTINE

                       Ay, we hear thee.

TEACHER

                                                   Valentine, pray
Show thy visage to us. What is this sight
Most foul?

VALENTINE

                      Koffing.

TEACHER

                                  Speak thee of the plague that
Hast ravished these lands?

JULIET

                                                  Nay, the Pokémon.

TEACHER

And yet his sight doth take mine own breath hence.
I told you, children, here I would see you,
Not those damn’d avatars.

VALENTINE

(shows himself in the camera)

                                                 I’m here.

TEACHER

                                                               Thank thee.
So back to Henry IV—pray, Helena,
We chat not during class!

HELENA

                                               I’m taking notes.

TITUS

Ouch! Thee wretch, more wretch’d than wretchedness.  

TEACHER

What say thee now?

TITUS

                                      A paper ball he threw
At me!

TEACHER

                 Who?

TITUS

                           My brother, whom every day
To call brother even infects my mouth.

TITUS’S BROTHER

(invisible in the camera)

Mother! Titus is beating me!

TITUS’S MOTHER

(invisible in the camera)

                                                  Titus!
Stop beating thine brother!

TITUS

                                                 He started it!

TEACHER

Titus, mute thyself when you speak to her
When ye’ve talked turn the sound back on. Titus?

ROSALINE

Pray ma’am, thou art muted.


This play is part of the series “New Verse by Once-Famous Poets” and is not authentic verse by William Shakespeare.

Also read:

*Rainer Maria Rilke *Rainer Maria Rilke
i
“The Cat’s Lunch”, Marguerite Gérard, 18th/19th century
Variety

*Rainer Maria Rilke

New Verse by Once-Famous Poets
Grzegorz Uzdański

“Cats on Facebook”

The cat fan pages, windows onto worlds
Of night and silence. Perhaps the echo’s
Touch of dreams. Blurring hunting with sleeping
On a warm stove. Making the blood boil in
A spectral pounce. Purring under the soft
Human touch. The echo of ancient woods,
Of moss, dark on the edges of gorges.
Oh, why on Earth do they, with fur touched by
The sands of Egypt, make me smile so much?
My Facebook wall teems with paw prints. More new
Pics from sister groups: THIS CAT IS CHONKY,
THIS CAT IS BEBBE, THIS CAT IS MAJESTIC.
Angel, should you ever ask “Why the Earth?,”
I would show you these pictures. These furry
Bellies and spiky ears, and the figure-
of-eight-like tail, the very widely
Open eyes, and from between the sharp teeth,
The hilariously pink tongue’s very edge.

This poem is part of the series “New Verse by Once-Famous Poets” and is not an authentic poem by Rainer Maria Rilke.

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