Sometimes in life you have to take bold decisions, ones that don’t always fit with what others expect from you. Professor Piotr K. Oleś, a psychologist of personality, talks about our more (and less) responsible choices.
Aleksandra Pezda: In Thomas Vinterberg’s Oscar-winning film Another Round, adult men drown their nostalgia for their youth in alcohol. But it’s not about how they can’t look at themselves in the mirror. They miss their past selves – their lost energy, discarded ambitions, the wonderful prospect that everything is still possible. With them, we rediscover what a high price we pay for maturity.
Piotr K. Oleś: At bottom, that’s what maturity requires: an awareness that in life we’ll need to part with many relationships and things. But I’m a supporter of the thesis that human life is subject to the principle of continuity. That would mean that even in adulthood, we remain in contact with our youth. We don’t just remember what we were like; in addition, much of the old matter is within us, or returns to us. It’s also about what we value in life, as well as this unique emotional climate, the quality of a relationship with another person, which make us feel like ourselves. So if somebody has departed far from themself, or definitively left behind who they were in their youth, as a psychologist I’d ask what went wrong in their life.
Another parting, a defeat, monotonous tasks at work: ordinary affairs are enough to make us feel weary.
It’s true – we change along with our experiences and the professions we practice. A friend betrays us, a husband or wife leaves, we get fired – all of this affects our approach to life. It’s even harder to come to terms with our profession. After all, we also betray people, break our own rules, don’t advance as far in our careers as we planned, or give up our passions. Despite it all, you can remain a young spirit, regardless of your age. One who seeks new activities and new impressions, who doesn’t fend off fresh experiences, will be young.
A second youth, a fresh start – isn’t that a myth?
It doesn’t have to be. Even though we often give in to the illusion that Western civilization offers us – that in order to change, it’s enough to work on the external. We imagine that cutting off a relationship, quitting a job, moving to another city or travelling around the world will be enough to make us a new person. We do this not only as part of a midlife crisis, but also after every vacation or holiday season, when, pulled out of our daily routine
